Monday, July 28, 2008

What Is It?

For the last several days I have been overcome with this irrational fear and anxiety - to the point where I am withdrawing and avoiding everything and everyone. I can't go upstairs to bed in the evening because I am afraid "something" will happen while I'm asleep. I go downstairs on the couch and I doze off and on because I am afraid to close my eyes.

I have this feeling of impending doom. Like something bad and universe-wrecking is immenient.

No amount of self-talk, rationalization, relaxation and diversional activities are helping!

This is stupid! I am a functioning, relatively normal and healthy human being. There have been no "triggers" to start this behavior. I love my husband. I love my new church family. I love life. Everything - for the most part - is going well.

What is going on?

It has all the hallmarks of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Did CINS have a greater impact on my psyche than I thought?


Anonymous said...

Any changes in medication lately?

I had similar problems a few years ago when my doctor prescribed indomethacin for a knee problem; it turns out that some strong anti-inflammatory drugs have weird mental effects.

Besides the general feeling of fear, I had the sense that the center of my consciousness had shifted from its usual point behind my eyes, and gone a few inches to the right. It was extremely weird, but it went away when I changed medications.

the reverend mommy said...

my gut feeling -- yep.

You are just now relaxing enough to feel the stress (if that makes any sense...)

net said...

Anonymous: No. No changes in medication. I take an OTC Aleve once a day to keep the bursitis in my shoulder in check.

RM: Maybe it is ... It was about this time into my ministry at CINS when the trouble started happening.

It's just ... weird!

the reverend mommy said...

praying for you.

Mary Beth said...

That was my thought. You may be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Prayers that you can let go and relax into the new situation, leaving the fear and stress from the old one behind.

TN Rambler said...

You are describing some of the feelings that I am having in my new appointment. Currently not to the same extent that you describe, but a feeling of impending doom. My new charge is so wonderful that I'm having trouble believing that it is real... especially after the hell hole that I came from.

Praying for the both of us.


Bad Alice said...

I have something like this happen now and then--I relax enough to panic over something I never felt comfortable enough to panic about at the time. Only, of course, by the time I get around to it the feeling has unmoored and seems to come from nowhere.