... and She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
"Pastor, we need to have a heart-to-heart talk," said Aggie, the pianist for Sunday morning worship. "You may have noticed that Elmer and I were not in church on Sunday. That's because we were out looking for a new church. I don't like the changes you've made in the morning service. I don't like playing those new songs like "This is the Day" and "His Name is Wonderful." I don't like that you've asked us to learn new songs like "In Times Like These." We never sing the old songs out of the new hymnal anymore.
"And I certainly don't like your preaching. You make the Scriptures too modern and you certainly don't interpret Scripture like Jesus would have. Besides that, you get out from behind the pulpit and move around the congregation. Pastor Wilbur never did that! He stayed put.
"And to tell us that since Children's Church program has been let go because the teacher has done it for years and wants a break, you want folks to donate school totes and coloring books and crayons! Let them kids sit up and pay attention! Better yet, work to find another Children's Church teacher. Those kids are too distracting to stay in church and they bother the older members anyway.
"And don't get me started about using that newfangled screen and hanging movie projector. Everyone needs to learn how to read the music and that can't happen when the words are the only things on the screen!"
"I like being up on that podium with the organist and you and the Worship Leader, but I'm not going to put up with these changes. Elmer may be your Lay Leader, but he doesn't like any of it either. I think we'll be looking for another church."
Pastor Net leaned back in her chair and quickly asked herself, "What would the Questing Parson do?" And it came to her.
"Well, Aggie," said Pastor Net, "I'm not going to stand in your way if you and Elmer feel called to find another church. Might I suggest a small, dying church whose congregation has never wanted to change. Since they will be few in number, they would appreciate your gift of music because they cannot afford a paid pianist. And they will tell you how thankful they are to have and just how wonderful you are. Since they'll be older, they'll want to sing all the old songs at the slower tempo you're so fond of playing. And since they know they're dying, they will not want to be joyful, but will be sad, serious and somber. After all, they're going be meeting Jesus sooner than later.
"Better yet, you and Elmer can give them palliative care until they close the church. And when the last one's gone, you can move on to another church with like-minded folks who don't want to change because they're only in it for themselves and content to live in the past."
Aggie puffed herself up like a frazzled goose and spun around on her heel and out the door.
Grayhaired Secretary leaned back in her desk chair, looked into Pastor Net's office and pumped her fist up and down in the air.
(I was praying about how I could remove Elmer from his LL position. He has a small, narrow mind and it IS all about him and Aggie. He's killed or been run out of every Sunday School Class he's been involved in because he hogs the conversation or turns it to himself. And I didn't have the heart to tell Aggie her services would be curtailed because we're starting a Worship Team with the blessing of the Organist!)